NGA (Never Give Advice)

I don't give advice at all. I used to do either of two things when I gave advice- signaling and controlling. I wanted to signal my smartness so that they respect me. Telling people what to do gave me a bit of control over their lives. This was an egoistic attitude.

You might argue that a person only has good intentions when he/she gives advice. My argument is that good intentions don't mean good outcomes. Your good intentions but bad advice might destroy someone's life. People are bad at giving advice. 

Also, I am correct only 10% of the times in my life. People generally think that they are right most of the times and the reason is that they remember only right decisions of life. Since I journal all my decisions, I know when I am wrong and how often. So, there is 90% chance that I am misguiding someone by giving advice.

I have also stopped giving book recommendations for this reason. I have read very limited number of books in my life, and there is no way I have figured out which book will be best for you to read in your life. 

My alternative to advice giving is that whenever any of my friends comes to me with a problem, I try to ask right questions so that they can figure out on their own what to do. You don't take accountability away from other person which is important for them when they make a decision.

I also discuss ideas/experiments that they can try. Giving ideas feels more liberating than giving advice. They can easily reject ideas but rejecting advice seems a bit difficult. The change in vocabulary is minor but it can make a lot of difference in how we approach this situation.

Avoid 4 Ps

1. Perspective: News and Social Media expose us to a lot of information which might lead us to believe that we need to have an opinion on everything to be a well-informed citizen. Reading a dozen of tweets or a couple of articles is not enough to have a well-constructed opinion. I have found that by avoiding this P; I have a lot of mental space available for important things.
2. Predictions: We make predictions by being aware of 1 or 2 variables, whereas, in reality, there might be 100 variables. Avoid making predictions unless absolutely necessary. 
3. Persuasion: People don't change after their 20s. So, it's better to choose than to change. DCBC.
4. Politics: My energy is better utilized by solving personal problems than by thinking about people. I will not have voting rights for another 5-6 years so there is no incentive for me to even talk about politics at all.

The central premise is that I dont know anything and I should not get into any area at all unless I want to become an expert in it (and earn money in it). 

The other honorable mention that I avoid is Punjabi.

NNSI –Not Nice but Sincere and Intelligent

We often talk to people because they are nice, kindhearted, funny, or neighbors. I don’t follow this reasoning. My hypothesis is that most humans are nice and irrational. I only talk to people who are either sincere or intelligent. I think the most impact our friends have on us is on our thinking. Most of the material needs we have can be solved by corporations and governments. You can get credit from a bank, rely on indeed to find a job, order from restaurants, call 911, use dating apps or stay in AIRBNB. We relied on people in previous centuries. Thinking should be the most important value between us.

We are told that we should have friends who can tell us the truth on our face but what is the guarantee they know the truth? Your friends may have the right intentions but are they right? I think it’s possible to find people who also have nice intentions, but they are intelligent as well.

I think sincerity can not be faked. If someone is sincere, it means that you will not have to waste time on small problems. I think that Sincere people are also more likely to be curious and good learners.

This might seem a radical approach but I think we need one in a world of options and choices. 

10 strange things about me

1. I don't watch anything generated by neural networks or statistical machine learning models. [Social Media, Youtube, Netflix ] I hate stories. 
2. I don't like eating food (except apples). My food service provider delivers 6 days a week and I fast on the 7th day.
3. I can't listen to songs. I am addicted to silence.
4. I don't like commuting/travelling to crowded places at all except for hiking.
5. I am doing yoga for the last 4 years and meditation for the last 1 year. 
6. My default answer to every request or invitation is No. Everything other than STEM, books, and yoga is a No.
7. For Friendship/Dating, I don't talk to people if they are nice, kind, or humble. I talk to them if they are 10 times more intelligent than me.[NNSI] 
8. I am rigid on my values but flexible on my beliefs and opinion.
9. Meditation has made me realize that I have very little control over external things. [DCBC] The only thing in my control is to become a better human being.
10. I am a much happier person than it might seem. 

3 ID (3 ways of Interacting with Data)

 There are 3 ways you can decide to interact with data (or read books):

1. You have a question and then you look at data(books) to find an answer for it. e.g., If you want to learn “How to learn skills” so you can read books like Make it Stick, A mind of numbers. You have a question like” What kind of diet is best” then you look at data to find an answer for it.
2. You don’t have a question but just want to explore that. e.g., you are reading autobiographies, fiction, historical books, etc. 
3. You have an answer, and you want data to support it. e.g., You think vegan food is the best and then you read relevant books to confirm that point.

I think that you should always avoid 3^rd approach and choose any of the first two.

The 3^rd option will not lead you to truth and you are more likely to have a wrong answer than a right answer as the universe is too complex for you to understand. 

Another difference is When you are choosing any of the first two approaches, the quality of the data (or credibility of the books) is extremely important to you. Whereas in the third approach, that is not the case because you just need evidence for your biases. 

I have always preferred 1^st approach to the 2^nd one as I have a lot of questions for which I am seeking answers. The world of the internet has too much information that you can get drowned if you are in exploration mode.

We are much likely to have 3^rd approach than the first two approaches because of our religious values and education system. Religions don’t encourage questions but have answers for us. In present education systems, we are not encouraged to ask questions but to always have answers available. It will take a lot of awareness to move from 3^rd approach to the 1^st approach than one can imagine.  

This approach can also be called QNA approach. (Question, No question and Answer)

DCBC (Dont Change but choose)

This applies to the context of choosing people (or jobs).

Rather than trying to change someone so that they fit your values, we should choose from a lot of options available.

E.g.

You want your friend to start reading books. Even if you have persuasion skills of excellent caliber, the chances of your success are very slim.

But if you go out and try to find people who already read books, that will be a more worthwhile experience to pursue. The Internet offers you options to join different groups, or try dating sites. 

The underlying idea is that we can not change people[ especially for people aged above 20]. 

I hypothesize that the above idea can be applied to following areas also:

1. Jobs

2. Finding a House

3. Choosing a life partner or spouse.

Think Again- Book Review

If you are new to Adam Grant and want to read his books, "Think Again" should be your first choice.

The author outlines 4 kinds of thinking frameworks:  Preacher, Prosecutor, politician, and Scientist. A lot of conversations I was having in my life were the ones where I was a preacher [“My belief is correct”] or prosecutor [“Your belief is wrong”]. The mode which is most difficult to notice is  The politician framework [“I don’t care about truth but I will do what people expect of me”] 

I am trying to steer away from these 3 modes and move towards the scientist mode. ["I don't know, but let's find out the truth"].

Every chapter was on average 20 pages long, making it easy to read in one sitting.  Grant's wit and writing style have vastly improved after his first book "Give and Take."

Goodreads Review: Think Again

Jaskaran Singh Aulakh

DQI Model: 

Before asking me any advice or opinion, ask these two questions

1. Does this person have enough data/ experience to speak on this topic? 
2. Is this person intelligent enough to make the right conclusions?

If the answer is no to any of these questions, don't ask me anything. DQI stands for If Data, Question Intelligence. (Jaskaran, 2021)

Why I have fewer friends/talk less:

In the previous centuries, we relied on friends for money, jobs, food, medical needs, matchmaking, or places of stay. But in this century, most of these needs are outsourced to governments or corporations, or the internet. You can get credit from a bank, rely on indeed to find a job, order from restaurants, call 911, use dating apps or stay in AIRBNB. The most significant effect that friends have on you is your way of thinking. How you think about the world is greatly influenced by the people around you. I would rather be alone than being with the wrong people ( or average ones). The only reason you should talk to me is for my rational decision-making process or for my worldview.

4 areas of my life:

Financial:  Learning technical skills/Earning money

Physical –Yoga/Walking

Mental – Meditation/Reading Books/Journalling

Social- Friends/Community

At any point in time, I can be successful in only 3 areas. I have concluded with enough experimentation that I can not afford to fail in the first 3 areas which means that I might be a failure in the last category. I might not be as good of a friend as compared to being a good engineer or a good human being.

                                                           Preferred way of communication:

I prefer video over audio and audio over text. I am really bad at texting and I don’t even want to get good at it. Its been 2 years since I left social media and I don’t intend to use it again. 

                                                              Friendship criteria:

If you want to be a friend, you need to do both of these things:

• Some form of exercise to keep yourself fit
• Read Sapiens Or Spend Time in Solitude.

If you are my colleague, this criteria does not apply to you.

10 commandments of blocking:

1. Thou shall not objectify women.
2. Thou shall not put me in a situation to lie.
3. Thou shall not doubt science. 
4. Thou shall read Sapiens.
5. Thou shall not talk about little things.
6. Thou shall take your health seriously.
7. Thou shall not talk about the third person.
8. Thou shall not use TikTok or reels.
9. Thou shall not offer me alcohol.
10. Thou shall be sincere and organized. 

10 ways technology can help business of restaurants:

1. Locating charities nearby where they can deliver the extra food cooked.
2. Noting the reviews of subscribed customers and making changes accordingly.
3. We can estimate the sugar content by clicking pictures of dishes.
4. By showing events nearby so that the restaurants can bid for stalls.
5. By solving the problem of wastage/package materials.
6. By predicting if a new shop will be profitable in any area.
7. Promoting restaurants that serve healthy foods.
8. Inventing chemicals which do not need water to wash utensils.
9. Variable rewards for subscribed customers.
10. Show the live occupancy of restaurants that customers can come accordingly.

Review: Gandhi: An autobiography

Gandhi: An autobiography by Mahatma Gandhi
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is a difficult book to read in the sense that Gandhi is too modest to list down his qualities. So, you have to figure out on your own how those qualities are developing as he ages. You will get to know how Gandhi formed his opinions and belief. You may disagree with the ideology of Gandhi but you will definitely appreciate his journey.

Even if you don't want to read this book, read the preface of this book. I was sold on the preface part. Why does a "Father of the Nation" have truth in his autobiography title when he is known in world for non-violence or freedom from slaves?
I read this book in 2017 over a period of 4 months by reading 10 pages every day. By not binge reading, I was able to appreciate a lot of subtle things about Gandhi's life. Before reading this book, I had a negative stance on Gandhi and i always thought that he is overrated. But I was way wrong. I think he is highly underrated. (especially his spiritual journey).


View all my reviews

Review: Lying

Lying by Sam Harris
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I had read the rule 8 of 12 rules for life -" Tell the truth or at least don't lie". So, I was fascinated by this topic which we certainly ignore in our lives. After reading this book, I at least have 10-12 reasons to not lie. I hope I will become more truthful at least to myself.
Some reasons being
1. By lying to one person, we potentially spread falsehood to many others.
2. You create multiple images in your head that consume a lot of mental energy/time and may offset the immediate comfort provided by lying. ( Maintaining mental accounting of lies.)
3. Do not maintain friendships where you have to lie to cancel plans or abide to popular opinion.
4. Honesty is a gift we give to ourselves and to others.

You probably can read the popular quotes of this book and skip this book which is provided free by author.

View all my reviews

10 lines like "Be so good they cant ignore you":

1. Be so good they can't ignore you.
2. Be so good that you don't have to network.
3. Be so good that they pay you for a talk.
4. Be so good that you don't need to impress anyone.
5. Be so good that you don't need to make stories in your head.
6. Be so good that people want to be your friend.
7. Be so good that people want to give you equity.
8. Be so good that you don't have to worry about algorithms.
9. Be so good that you don't have to participate in office gossips.
10. Be so good that they can't hate you.

10 reasonable new year resolutions to have

1. Doing 10 pushups every day.
2. Writing 5 lines every day.
3. Writing one good thing about your partner. 
4. Reading 1 page for every day.
5. Deleting one contact from your phone.
6. Asking one question to yourself every day.
7. Tracking one habit over the course.
8. Meditating for 2 minutes every day.
9. Drinking juice before eating any fast food.
10. Having a salad once a week.

10 topics for this blog

1. 10 famous quotes I disagree with
2. 10 tips to read more books.
3. 10 ways to increase productivity in winters.
4. 10 passwords you can set for social media accounts.
5. 10 things youngsters do to crave happiness.
6. 10 myths regarding meditation that we need to shatter.
7. 10 reasonable new year resolutions that we can have.
8. 10 identities shaped by capitalist markets.
9. 10 classic books I don't like.
10. 10 tactics Indian restaurants use to make you consume more.