DCBC (Dont Change but choose)

This applies to the context of choosing people (or jobs).

Rather than trying to change someone so that they fit your values, we should choose from a lot of options available.

E.g.

You want your friend to start reading books. Even if you have persuasion skills of excellent caliber, the chances of your success are very slim.

But if you go out and try to find people who already read books, that will be a more worthwhile experience to pursue. The Internet offers you options to join different groups, or try dating sites. 

The underlying idea is that we can not change people[ especially for people aged above 20]. 

I hypothesize that the above idea can be applied to following areas also:

1. Jobs

2. Finding a House

3. Choosing a life partner or spouse.

Think Again- Book Review

If you are new to Adam Grant and want to read his books, "Think Again" should be your first choice.

The author outlines 4 kinds of thinking frameworks:  Preacher, Prosecutor, politician, and Scientist. A lot of conversations I was having in my life were the ones where I was a preacher [“My belief is correct”] or prosecutor [“Your belief is wrong”]. The mode which is most difficult to notice is  The politician framework [“I don’t care about truth but I will do what people expect of me”] 

I am trying to steer away from these 3 modes and move towards the scientist mode. ["I don't know, but let's find out the truth"].

Every chapter was on average 20 pages long, making it easy to read in one sitting.  Grant's wit and writing style have vastly improved after his first book "Give and Take."

Goodreads Review: Think Again

Jaskaran Singh Aulakh

DQI Model: 

Before asking me any advice or opinion, ask these two questions

1. Does this person have enough data/ experience to speak on this topic? 
2. Is this person intelligent enough to make the right conclusions?

If the answer is no to any of these questions, don't ask me anything. DQI stands for If Data, Question Intelligence. (Jaskaran, 2021)

Why I have fewer friends/talk less:

In the previous centuries, we relied on friends for money, jobs, food, medical needs, matchmaking, or places of stay. But in this century, most of these needs are outsourced to governments or corporations, or the internet. You can get credit from a bank, rely on indeed to find a job, order from restaurants, call 911, use dating apps or stay in AIRBNB. The most significant effect that friends have on you is your way of thinking. How you think about the world is greatly influenced by the people around you. I would rather be alone than being with the wrong people ( or average ones). The only reason you should talk to me is for my rational decision-making process or for my worldview.

4 areas of my life:

Financial:  Learning technical skills/Earning money

Physical –Yoga/Walking

Mental – Meditation/Reading Books/Journalling

Social- Friends/Community

At any point in time, I can be successful in only 3 areas. I have concluded with enough experimentation that I can not afford to fail in the first 3 areas which means that I might be a failure in the last category. I might not be as good of a friend as compared to being a good engineer or a good human being.

                                                           Preferred way of communication:

I prefer video over audio and audio over text. I am really bad at texting and I don’t even want to get good at it. Its been 2 years since I left social media and I don’t intend to use it again. 

                                                              Friendship criteria:

If you want to be a friend, you need to do both of these things:

• Some form of exercise to keep yourself fit
• Read Sapiens Or Spend Time in Solitude.

If you are my colleague, this criteria does not apply to you.

10 commandments of blocking:

1. Thou shall not objectify women.
2. Thou shall not put me in a situation to lie.
3. Thou shall not doubt science. 
4. Thou shall read Sapiens.
5. Thou shall not talk about little things.
6. Thou shall take your health seriously.
7. Thou shall not talk about the third person.
8. Thou shall not use TikTok or reels.
9. Thou shall not offer me alcohol.
10. Thou shall be sincere and organized. 

10 ways technology can help business of restaurants:

1. Locating charities nearby where they can deliver the extra food cooked.
2. Noting the reviews of subscribed customers and making changes accordingly.
3. We can estimate the sugar content by clicking pictures of dishes.
4. By showing events nearby so that the restaurants can bid for stalls.
5. By solving the problem of wastage/package materials.
6. By predicting if a new shop will be profitable in any area.
7. Promoting restaurants that serve healthy foods.
8. Inventing chemicals which do not need water to wash utensils.
9. Variable rewards for subscribed customers.
10. Show the live occupancy of restaurants that customers can come accordingly.

Review: Gandhi: An autobiography

Gandhi: An autobiography by Mahatma Gandhi
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This is a difficult book to read in the sense that Gandhi is too modest to list down his qualities. So, you have to figure out on your own how those qualities are developing as he ages. You will get to know how Gandhi formed his opinions and belief. You may disagree with the ideology of Gandhi but you will definitely appreciate his journey.

Even if you don't want to read this book, read the preface of this book. I was sold on the preface part. Why does a "Father of the Nation" have truth in his autobiography title when he is known in world for non-violence or freedom from slaves?
I read this book in 2017 over a period of 4 months by reading 10 pages every day. By not binge reading, I was able to appreciate a lot of subtle things about Gandhi's life. Before reading this book, I had a negative stance on Gandhi and i always thought that he is overrated. But I was way wrong. I think he is highly underrated. (especially his spiritual journey).


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Review: Lying

Lying by Sam Harris
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I had read the rule 8 of 12 rules for life -" Tell the truth or at least don't lie". So, I was fascinated by this topic which we certainly ignore in our lives. After reading this book, I at least have 10-12 reasons to not lie. I hope I will become more truthful at least to myself.
Some reasons being
1. By lying to one person, we potentially spread falsehood to many others.
2. You create multiple images in your head that consume a lot of mental energy/time and may offset the immediate comfort provided by lying. ( Maintaining mental accounting of lies.)
3. Do not maintain friendships where you have to lie to cancel plans or abide to popular opinion.
4. Honesty is a gift we give to ourselves and to others.

You probably can read the popular quotes of this book and skip this book which is provided free by author.

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10 lines like "Be so good they cant ignore you":

1. Be so good they can't ignore you.
2. Be so good that you don't have to network.
3. Be so good that they pay you for a talk.
4. Be so good that you don't need to impress anyone.
5. Be so good that you don't need to make stories in your head.
6. Be so good that people want to be your friend.
7. Be so good that people want to give you equity.
8. Be so good that you don't have to worry about algorithms.
9. Be so good that you don't have to participate in office gossips.
10. Be so good that they can't hate you.

10 reasonable new year resolutions to have

1. Doing 10 pushups every day.
2. Writing 5 lines every day.
3. Writing one good thing about your partner. 
4. Reading 1 page for every day.
5. Deleting one contact from your phone.
6. Asking one question to yourself every day.
7. Tracking one habit over the course.
8. Meditating for 2 minutes every day.
9. Drinking juice before eating any fast food.
10. Having a salad once a week.

10 topics for this blog

1. 10 famous quotes I disagree with
2. 10 tips to read more books.
3. 10 ways to increase productivity in winters.
4. 10 passwords you can set for social media accounts.
5. 10 things youngsters do to crave happiness.
6. 10 myths regarding meditation that we need to shatter.
7. 10 reasonable new year resolutions that we can have.
8. 10 identities shaped by capitalist markets.
9. 10 classic books I don't like.
10. 10 tactics Indian restaurants use to make you consume more.

10 introspective questions for yourself:

1. What are the 5 things that you would like your new manager to know about you? (It can be strengths or weakness or your values or anything)
2. If you have to give up one thing what would it be- a laptop or phone?
3. What 3 things you will do if today is your last day on the planet?
4. What would you like to become- poor and famous or rich and defamed or rich and not popular?
5. What talent you would like to have in yourself? (Talent not skill)
6. What 3 words you would like yo have on your death tomb?
7. What is your definition of a good friend?
8. How many people you would want at you a) marriage and b) funeral?
9. What 5 weird things about you should a person know before becoming your friend?
10. How many of your college batchmates do you think would be happy?

10 questions you should ask yourself at the end of every year:

1. What is one habit that I learned or got rid of?
2. Which relationships/friendship in my life should I eliminate?
3. What were the biggest wasted opportunities ?
4. What activity should I spend less time on in next year?
5. How much time I have devoted to my health?
6. Which movies/tv series I watched and were they valuable to my life?
7. Did I read any books?
8. Did I tell any big lies for which I suffered in the long term?
9. Did I get any major disease and what have I learned from it?
10. What were the reasons for fighting with my partner? 

Review: Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked

Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked by Adam Alter
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Some chapters of this book were overstretched but overall a nice read. Part 1 and Part 3 are worth the time while the middle part felt like a repetitive read.
What I like about Adam Alter is his choice of experiments that he includes in the book. The experiments make it interesting to go through.


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Review: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

One belief that I always had is that being extrovert is the way to live life and have success. This book made me appreciate my introvert nature and not go against it.
Probably, this is a book which I am going to gift a lot to parents. Most of the parents believe in this principle of extrovert= success.

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Review: Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I had read "The Power of Habit" by Charles Duhigg before reading this book. While Duhigg's book focuses on history/scientific anecdotes of habits, James's book is a more practical guide to forming habits.
I particularly liked the "Focus on Systems, not on goals" and " Design your environment" principles. I am quite positive that I am going to read this book again and again.

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